Sunday, September 23, 2007

Update to the Chambers v. God lawsuit.

This is more fun than an urban legend. Usually, when something this dopey comes along, I just sit back and enjoy the ride. It’s bound to get even more ridiculous before it’s over. The Senator Chambers lawsuit has not failed in that regard. Two well-meaning idiots have come forward in defense of God.

The first one has left a document which “appeared under mysterious circumstances” (read, snuck onto a counter when no one was looking). Quoting the article at the Christian Post:

In the paper, marked "Special Appearance," “God” says Chambers' suit should be thrown out because there was “[n]o proper and sufficient service of summons” by a deputy.

And although He doesn’t issue “terroristic threats,” as the senator had claimed in his lawsuit, “God” wrote that Chambers would receive an “appropriate punishment.”

“He is going to take care of the senator by removing him from office next year,” attorney Bill Gallup told Action 3. The CBS affiliate noted that “’God’ apparently has a sense of humor – term limits keep Chambers from serving another term.”

The paper is alleged to be signed, “God”.

If one accepts the existence of this hypothetical magic being, one must then smoke the whole crack pipe and accept all of the commandments, edicts, pronouncements, etc. that go along with Jehovah-God belief. So if I decide to play along, I guess I’d send the Senator this information:

“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them" - Matthew 18:20

Just go to any prayer meeting and serve your summons there. According to the bible, your defendant will be there. If “He” doesn’t accept the summons, “He” is in contempt.

The threatened punishment is an empty enough threat to make a plague of frogs look impressive. I don’t think God would make a mistake like that, were God real. That means a person signed God’s name to that piece of paper (surprise!)

“Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.” Exodus 20:7

Taking the name of God as your own is the precise meaning of in vain. This person has violated one of the Ten Commandments. Eternal Damnation! You fail!

On to the second “defense”. Attorney Eric Perkins from Corpus Christi (how appropriate) faxed a response saying,

"Defendant denies that this or any court has jurisdiction ... over Him any more than the court has jurisdiction over the wind or rain, sunlight or darkness," Perkins' response, as reported by AP

This fails on the basis of faulty comparison. Neither wind, rain, sunlight or darkness owns Real Estate throughout the United States. How many times have you heard the expression “House of God”?

Furthermore, under the terms of the Patriot Act, our government does not apparently require jurisdiction to pursue and incarcerate terrorists.

“He that sacrifice unto any god, save unto the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed” Exodus 22:20

For more examples of violence and the advocating of violence, and that which can be defined as criminal threatening, check here.

I think God’s assets should be frozen until we sort this all out.


At 12:08 PM, Blogger Pixelation said...

Hilarious story. Gotta love what people will do when they don't care about being reelected.
Great post. The last line is sheer genius.

At 2:28 PM, Blogger angelsdepart said...

I knew all of the Christian nutjobs would come to "gods" defense. Shocking though that god hasn't spoken up for himself though, isn't it?

At 7:44 AM, Blogger concerned citizen said...

Since the Christian god is only a figment(& I mean that in a nice way) of our imagination, none of this is surprising.

Did you forget about explaining Nuevo-Feudal?

At 11:54 AM, Blogger TiG said...

BWAH-HA-HA!! This was great. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it. :)

At 7:23 AM, Blogger breakerslion said...

pixelation: Thanks! You've made me laugh, think and laugh some more so often that I'm glad to return the favor

angelsdepart: Stand by. I bet the nutjobs blame the next disaster in Nebraska on this, should it happen in a timely fashion.

concerned citizen: It's like I always say, truth is finite, bullshit is infinite. I have not forgotten, that post is unfinished, and this hit my radar at just the right moment.

tidalgrrl: You're welcome! Glad you enjoyed it.

At 12:34 PM, Blogger Delta said...

You've been tagged with the evolution meme tag!

At 6:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God isn't competent to stand trial.
If found competent the only possible defence is insanity.


At 9:38 AM, Blogger breakerslion said...

delta: Thanks, I think.

Score one for Ralph! Not guilty by reason of insanity!

At 11:32 AM, Blogger BEAST FCD said...

Confiscating God's Assets? I wonder how much is left, after the millions thrown at paedophile victims of the Lard's accursed priests.

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