Thursday, December 11, 2008

I'm Still Here

I've been caught up in other shit. Here's a quick thought until I get my forebrain back from the cleaners.


The alleged son of God brought Lazarus back from the dead.

According to dogma:

Lazarus was really really dead, not just faking or in a coma.

If Lazarus was good, he was in Heaven, and Jesus did him no favor bringing him back to a world almost 2,000 years before Pasteur or Penicillin.

If Lazarus was bad, he was in Hell, and it was God's will that put him there.

Either way, how was bringing him back to life the right thing to do?


At 3:02 AM, Blogger Rita said...

Either way, how was bringing him back to life the right thing to do?

God did these things to make a point...just to show that he could.
Whoopi Doo!
Modern science has pretty well surpassed the god of the New Testament IMO.
Those Bible miracles drive me nuts along with people that attribute the achievements of human advances in science & technology to the same primitive kind of thinking that drove demon possessed swine off of a cliff & made a blind guy see by spitting in his eye.

At 6:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe God was inspired by "Shaun of the Dead"....


At 9:12 PM, Blogger Rev. Barky said...

Lazarus was a department store in Ohio.

This drawing is no more gruesome than the awful crosses with a bloody guy hanging from them in churches all over the world. I frankly would rather see a guy impaled. Wouldn't that make a great amulet around your neck?

At 5:09 PM, Blogger breakerslion said...

handmaiden: So this was a carnival trick? Just as I suspected! ;-)

I can just imagine a conversation between God and Lazarus in Heaven. (God sort of sounds like Dom Deluise doing his Don Corleone impersonation in Robin Hood, Men in Tights.)

God: Eh... Lazarus... remember that time you said, "Oh God, if I could just get this maiden to lift her burkah for me..."? And lo! It came to pass? Well now I need a favor from you in return. It's my son.... My only begotten son, and don't ask. (rolls eyes) You gotta go back. He's trying to make your body stand up and it's way too soon for Weekend at Bernie's.... Never mind.
You get back in there, and a couple more years... (shrugs) Look, he's not too bright and he's trying to impress this girl... I'm a good Father-which-art-in Heaven, right? You see my problem? Ok then, it's settled....

Anon: Well, He's allegedly all-knowing, so it's possible... I wonder what the 1st Century equivalent of shopping cart jockeys were?

"Hey Lazarus! Another joint of mutton just fell in the fire!"


"Thanks buddy... I'd put something on that hand if I were you."

Rev. Barking Nonsequitur: I beg to differ. Lazarus was an Italian Bread in New Jersey. Oh wait, that was Lazarras. Never mind.

When I was a kid, there was this dopey little acrobat toy of a flat man on two twisted strings between two sticks that you squeezed to make him flip around. For quite a while now, I have wanted to reproduce that with an image of Our-Lord-and-Savior as the acrobat and market it as "Jumping Jesus". Not quite as impressive as an impaled man pendant, but I think we have the beginning of a product line here. Maybe we can get a former Charlie's Angel to market it for us.

At 8:28 AM, Blogger BEAST FCD said...

My question: Why bother to resurrect Lazarus when God could simply not let him die in the first place?

One probable answer is ego: Remember,God handed over his most pious follower, Job to his arch enemy, Satan so that he can prove to the damn wag-tailed demon that he was right.

Beast FCD

At 8:30 AM, Blogger BEAST FCD said...

I don't have a conversation of God and Lazarus on my blog, but I have one between Jebus and the Godfather.

You will like this one (It is heinously funny).

Beast FCD


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