The True Meaning of the Eucharist

People ask, “What’s the true meaning of Christmas?” but few bother to ask about the true meaning of the Eucharist, a.k.a. Holy Communion. The subject came to my attention lately through this post on pharyngula. Here is the editorial that got P.Z. Myers embroiled in the latest crusade of the control-freaks to maintain their delusional hold over the gullible and unsuspecting indoctrinees. In short, Catholics are taught to believe that the consecrated Host (cracker, not computer for you UNIX heads) is ACTUALLY, not symbolically, the body of Jesus, the Christ. Yum. Anyway, this caused a whole lot of freaking and geeking lately when Webster Cook walked out of the Sacred God-cave at his college campus with an unmasticated and uningested chunk ‘o Jesus bread.

Before I get to the crux of this biscuit (Could you resist?), a little history they don’t generally teach in Sunday School. The Last Supper, where this whole communion thing comes from, was the Passover Seder, a ritual meal commemorating the Exodus of the Jews from Egypt and slavery, led by Moses. During the meal at various times, unleavened bread, or Matzoh is passed around and consumed. Wine also figures into the ritual at given intervals. At some point in this meal, Jesus threw away the script and decided to improvise. He either passed around Elijah’s cup (a.k.a. The Grail), or commented during one of the ritual toasts that the wine was his blood. He also declared the matzoh to be his body. Was he drunk, or overly enthusiastic about his religious roots, or should he be taken literally? There are two possible literal interpretations. The Bible makes no mention of Jesus being referred to as “cracker man”, or “vintage boy” after this incident, so we can rule out his being composed of those substances. The Bible also does not mention the Disciples suddenly discovering man meat in their mouths, or quaffing blood like vampires. Neither of these substances would be considered kosher, and no Jew would eat them even if it wasn’t Passover. I think it’s safe to say that Jesus meant this symbolically. I think he was declaring himself, “body and soul”, a Jew. Oh wait … that won’t do.

So why do the Catholics insist on an actual transubstantiation of cracker into flesh and wine into blood when these sacramental objects are blessed? To elevate the PREIST above the ranks of normal man, of course. What a powerful shaman to perform such a miracle! And then, there’s the whole feeding ritual! Grown men and women, on their knees, being fed and watered like baby birds by in loco deus, Father Father. God’s children indeed! It’s all just a magic act and a domination game, and it works.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Jesus really is made of crackers... and Satan is a Pulled-Pork Pladdah.